Date: 29 Jan 2005
A mothers nightmare.
My son has been on herion for the last seven years, within that time I
have lost almost all of the son I gave birth to.He has been in and out
of jail and in and out of rehad,he normally rings me to say were he is
and how he is going,but up until a month ago I haven't heard from him
since he was kicked out of the last rehab centre. I fear for him
everyday, I wonder were he sleeps and were he eats and above all how he
is supporting his habit. I love my son as do so many parents out their
love their children on herion, I;m scared and I want him to be alright,
for those people who make a living on killing our children and
destroying so many lives I take pity on you for good will prevail
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Date: 08 Feb 2005
Hi my name is
danielle and i have a friend who has just started heroine.I try so
hard to help her that i hurt myself in the end. She's 1 of my best
friends and i watch her fall apart everyday.I ask her y she does it and
all she can do is shake her head.I cry so much because she doesnt even
listen 2 me and i know that 1 of these days she's going 2 die and i'll
be the 1 blamed beacuse i didnt tell anybody.
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Date: 20 Feb 2005
wrote the story a mothers nightmare.Well I'm still living with that
nightmare but I finally have decided to get some help for myself.In the
10yrs of my son being on heroin I have suffered from bad anxiety attacks
lack of sleep and my life not being in incontrol.I have finally come to
realize that no amount of worrying is going to change the path my son
decides to go on.I have joined an-anon which supports family and friends
through this tough time,this is the first time I have decided to do this
so I believe I have hit rock bottom and need to regain my health and
life.I have heard from my son since the last story,he still is using and
he still is ringing for a place to stay.In the past I have always
dropped everything and made his life easy while making mine harder, for
the very first time I said no,I realize that he to has to hit rock
bottom.I could have two things happen now,one I bear not to think about
but the other could be a whole new awakening for my boy and I am hoping
for the later of the two.He is in gods care now for I need to rest
awhile but I will pray for him everyday.
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10 Mar 2005
Dear folks at heroinhelp,
The following is my story, thank you for being there!
My Story is one that is all too familiar to many families. It is a
story that needs to be told for a number of reasons. Reasons for
telling my story are primarily as a catharsis for myself and a help to
In 1982 my son Jim was eighteen years old. He was out of school,
without a diploma and setting no goals or boundaries for himself. In
fact he merely existed. When I realized that he was going to continue
this way I decided I needed to help him along with the decisions he
needed to make in those areas. I went to his room one day with all my
courage and lovingly told him he needed to make a choice and he had
thirty days to decide. His choices were the following:
X Get a job
X Go to school
X Both of the above
X Go into military service
X Move out
You can imagine the pain when he chose the last one. He moved out.
That was in November 1982.
I didn't hear from Jim during the holidays that year, and needless to
say it was even more painful. It is a good thing we didn't know what
the next few months and years were going to bring. They took their
emotional toll on my husband, my family and myself.
My father was diagnosed with cancer of the liver in 1983; he had
emphysema and was given three months to live. I had my first job in
banking and was trying to work my way into management. My life and
times were becoming a nightmare.
Sometime early in that same year we received a phone call. I will never
forget it. It was early on a Sunday morning. Things always happen on
the weekend when help is not easy to obtain. Help such as
veterinarians, doctors, psychologists, etc.! That phone call was to
change my life forever. There are those instances in all of our lives
that will dramatically affect us in ways we never dreamed of. The phone
call was from my son's girlfriend. She told me that he had overdosed on
heroin. Her description of what happened was horrifying. He had
threatened to kill her if she told me that he had been using heroin.
She found him face down in the front yard. She called 911.The
paramedics took him to the emergency room. He was revived and
released. Thus began a whole string of events. In looking back I
wonder how we survived the nightmare. I remember being afraid to answer
the phone just knowing what the news might be.
Jim continued to use. He came to see us a couple of times when we lived
in Hesperia and during the time I was running back and forth to
Lancaster to visit my dad in the hospital. I remember Jim driving me to
the store, pulling out into traffic and I wondering why he hadn't
yielded to on-coming cars. Probably because he hadn't seen them! He
was high and I had no idea what was going on nor could I have told you
what the signs and symptoms were.
He eventually came home to live with us in the upper desert and my
husband found him some gainful employment. He worked for about three
months and one Friday evening I came home to his empty bedroom. My
first clue was that the bed was made and the room looked as though no
one had ever been in it. I checked his bank account the following
Monday and sure enough it had been cleaned out! He just left without
warning or saying goodbye.
Weeks went by before I heard from him again. He seemed to check in and
out. One day I received a call at work. He was calling me to tell me
he was going to go into the Navy. He had been going to Narcotics
Anonymous and had cleaned up. I was elated. At last, he was growing
up! There was hope! Yeah!
He went to boot camp in San Diego. I went with some friends to see his
graduation. Boy I was proud! Within days he left, got high and
overdosed again. I just knew he would be found AWOL and slapped into
the "slammer"! No, not him! H got out of the hospital and when he went
back on base they fined him $100.00 and had him confined to base for a
short period of time.
He shipped out to sea and was gone for months. When he came back I
prayed everything would be ok from then on and it was for a long time.
Jim grew up; as did a lot of kids with the idea that someday he could
become a great Rock Star! He continued to pursue this dream and had the
opportunity to play with many different bands or groups. He is a
self-taught musician. Over the years he learned guitar, keyboards, and
drums. He went to work for a sound studio and learned the techniques
used in the recording industry. He eventually bought his own equipment
and began his own business. He has been somewhat successful in that he
not only recorded for various artists but also produced and marketed
some of his own CD's.
Jim eventually met his love. Her name is Helen. She was also working in
the entertainment industry. She worked for Electra Records in public
relations. They married and were very happy for a long time. Then she
decided to get out of the entertainment business. She had a degree and
was a graduate of Princeton University. She chose to go back to school
and study medicine. They had the backing of her parents and she was
able to go to school full time. Helen lost her father in December 2001.
During Helen's pursuit of a medical career they decided to add to their
family. Helen became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl in January
of 2002. Baby Zoe was born January 23, 2002. Jim was to become a
"stay-at-home" dad. They moved from the San Fernando Valley to
Huntington Beach so that Helen could be closer to the campus at Irvine.
It was sometime during the stay in Huntington Beach that it became known
to Helen that Jim had begun to use heroin again. The whole family was
floored! Jim has two half sisters. He has aunts and uncles that care
for him, he has his Mom and his Step-dad, and two step-sisters. He has
all kinds of family support, everyone is pulling for him. His wife, her
family and especially Helen's mother have been supporting him
emotionally as well as financially. His mother-in-law has given 200% of
herself to see to it that Helen, Zoe and Jim were comfortable and Jim
did not have to step into the role of "stay-at-home" dad. Early in
Zoe's little life Jim decided he wasn't cut out for that role. He could
be a father but not a "babysitter".
On the outside looking in it appeared as though Jim had it made. He had
a happy home, a happy family, all the creature comforts and a future
full of hope and promise.
When he was caught the first time (this time) Helen gave him the
ultimate opportunity to go to a detoxification and sober living
facility. She too had to give him boundaries and limits. He had to
stay clean and sober for 90 days before moving back in. He tried and
the second time was successful. He moved home. Helen graduated. Jim
got high. Jim went into a treatment program in Ojai. He sobered up.
Jim got high and was kicked out of his home again for a period of time
to get clean and sober. He came to live with Mom and his step dad. He
was still high. He checked into a Zen/Buddhist facility in Idyllwild
for 90 days. Our hopes were again exhilarated. After the camp in
Idyllwild he came out looking better than he had in years. You see they
have a daily regimen and diet that allows for no personal gain.
I thought at last he has found a belief, though it's not in God, I
thought at least it was something he could hold onto for guidance,
stability and hope. I had so hoped and prayed that through this God
would change Jim's heart. I prayed that God would speak to him and
convert him and then I realized that if not God, at least it was Buddha
and it appeared that he was clean and sober, and that was good enough
Wrong! November 2004, Thanksgiving at my house. Jim, Helen, Zoe,
Zoe's other Grandma, and other family gather for the holiday
celebration. Jim is ill, he looks terrible, he sleeps in the living
room, and something is odd! He looks gray. He looks like he did in
high school. He has that 70's look. Long hair, baggy clothes, lost a
lot of weight, and I'm stricken. Mom knows when something isn't right.
I don't want to know but I do know!
After the holidays Jim telephoned. He is distraught. He is losing his
family. His wife asked him to move out again. He has no place to go.
He tells me he is going to live on someone's couch and get rid of all of
his things that Helen won't let him keep at the house and can he store
some things at my house? Do I need to tell you that at first I said
My husband and I had discussions about the advisability of this as we
have been there before and also have no storage space. We decided that
it was not a good idea but oh well, I said yes anyway! Are you
surprised?! How many times do e have to be trounced on before we get
My conversations were almost daily with Jim. I called to say I love
you, how are you doing, and even though you mad a mistake again I will
always love and support you. I also had my opinions as to how things
should be handled in his home and relationship with the wife. I
verbalized my disbelief in how Helen was handling things and it goes
Helen decided to file for divorce after talking to an attorney. She can
not continue to be responsible for him personally and financially. She
told me that she will not be there anymore. I will always be Grandma H.
and Zoe's Grandma, but she will not be there. I love her and told her
she will always be part of my family and I will always love her.
Jim tells me that if he can't have his family he might as well get on
with the business of killing himself. Great! What every mother wants
One night when Jim called and was telling me what was going on in his
life I came to his side of things. He said he needed a place to store
his things. He told me Helen wanted his "stuff" out of the house. I
reluctantly agreed to let him store his boxes here even though we would
have to change things around to accommodate him.
Jim kept telling me that he was a drug addict and that I just didn't
"get it". We argued and I told him that I loved him and even though we
didn't agree on the ways things were being handled between he and Helen
he would always be my child. Finally I started to acquiesce and let him
be the leader in the conversation. I hate confrontation. We finished
talking and said "goodbye". I got to thinking, "you know, you don't
have room to store things, and you are not doing him any favors by
catering to his situation." I called him back and told him not to bring
his "stuff" here, we didn't have room. He told me I was a hypocrite
Things went south from there, I hung up on him.
As you can imagine the next few days were agonizing. I still struggled
with "did I do the right thing?" I e-mailed a letter to him. I told
him I didn't know how to help him and certainly didn't know how to deal
with his problem. I also told him again that I loved him. His reply
was apologetic. He had to tell me our relationship was not what it
seemed to be.
He has been in touch with his sister. She continues to try to help him
and support him. He is still using heroin and has told her that the
last two times he went on methadone he continued to use. We suspect
that is what is happening now.
I don't know at this point how this will all end. I have been told that
the statistics are not in his favor.
God has Jim in His hands. I pray a lot for Jim. He is in a lot of
prayers. Sometimes it is hard to wait for God's answer. Maybe the
answer is not one I want to hear. Someday the answer will come and
maybe it will be a miracle. Maybe the answer will be "no". All I can
do is look to the Lord for comfort and trust in Him. It will be through
my belief in God that I will survive and understand all this some day.
Back to top
Date: 26 Mar 2005
Rich Mc- 19
years old and 6 months clean. All I can guarantee is this daily
reprieve, if I am willing. Tomorrow is not guaranteed but if I do what
is needed to stay clean today, I have one more day.
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Date: 29 Mar 2005
im not really ready for
a story yet,but ill tell you im 30 and im a father of two a husband
a son and an addict. im recovering with the help of methadone for a
little over 2 years. what i want to say is to the parents, mothers
mostly, it is not your fault that your child is an addict, im not even
sure its their fault. this thing doesnt pick and choose it will take
anyone, sometimes its ginetic sometimes its just failure to cope, theres
so many reasons, but i know for sure that for most of you parents out
there its definately not your fault that we are this way!
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Date: 09 Apr 2005
Over the last 3 years, I
have "saved" my daughter, Melissa, from the messes she has made. I
have paid a lawyer several thousand dollars to keep her out of prison. I
have bailed her out of jai, which included a few hours in an environment
I never thought I would see... I even left her in jail once last year,
June 2004. She called and begged and pleaded for me to go and get her
and the toughest thing I ever had to do was leave her there.
After 3 days, they let her out and I got her into a rehab, which since
she was no longer on my insurance was almost impossible to find. By the
grace of God, after so many telephone calls, I called a hotline and got
a mom whose son had been on heroine who gave me a rehab in NJ that was
state funded. It was more than 3 hours away, but I got my girl there and
she finished the program.
Then she went to a half way house, which was a horror. That didn't work
out, apparently because she wouldn't take a drug test. She told me that
was NOT true and I believed her..... now I know.
Heorine. I had no idea. I thought heroine was used by down and out
people who laid in alleys.
When it first occurred to me this was what she was doing, I started to
research it on the internet. I was so scared that I didn't have the
courage to know the facts about it.
When I found that it was definitely heroine, I had to know.
The 2 drug cartles competing for business decided to purify heroine and
intentionally targeted a certain group. Just like any other product that
needs a market, they targeted kids. They targeted my daughter.
When I needed help, finding empathy was not easy. The commercials tell
you to "just say no", they tell me to talk to my kids about drugs.....
but they don't tell me what to do when my daughter snorts a drug that is
addictive the first time it is done.
It was that mom that I called that was the most wonderful person that I
may ever know. She shared her woes and even told me that tough love
might be my answer.
After rehab, Melissa came home. I was hopeful, she seemed to have
decided what kind of life she wanted and what kind of life she did not
I am a single mother of three kids, Melissa is 20 and she is my oldest.
I've been a single mother forever, even when I was married. I've made a
lot of mistakes, but I've never taught my children to lie, cheat, steal
or do drugs. I work hard for everything that I have and while not
perfect, God knows I am a genuinely good person.
How did my daughter learn this?
My heart broke today. Two weeks ago, Meliss stole my MAC card. I wanted
to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it was her. And even though I
threatned to throw her out, I didn't. She is my daughter. I am afraid of
what she may face if not at home.
She has made choices before to not live by the rules of this house and
ended up with my father. Who she stole from as well. We have all been
hurt by this kid, disappointed.
Today, two weeks after the MAC card incident, which I let go and
probably shouldn't have, I found that she tried to cash one of my
I put her out.
I threw her out.
I was mean and said things that I shouldn't have.
I even told her that if she wants to do drugs and kill herself, to GO
I did not mean that and it's too late to take that back. I could have
said I hate her actions, but I didn't. I berated her and told her to
leave my house and not to come back.
As of this moment. This very moment that I write this, I have learned
that she is out buying heroine.
It seems like I have lived forever with the fear that they are going to
find my daughter's body. When she is not here, every telephone call,
every knock on the door, every time a police car nears my house, this is
I pray to God to keep her safe, to stay with her, to save her from this
addiction that I do not understand.
Every once in awhile, I recognize the person I knew before this drug
invaded our lives. I want her back. I just want that beautiful, blonde
hair, blue eyed, little girl back.
And I wonder, what did I do wrong? And I wonder what could I have done
And I wonder, most of all, I wonder will I ever have my daughter back?
The times she had gotten into trouble with the law, I rescued her. At
this moment, I would take her being sentenced to prison, just so I know
she won't be found dead.
Heroine something that I do not know how to fight. Herone is a monster
under the bed that I can not protect my daughter from. Heroine has taken
my daughter away from me. And I do not understand. It has made my
daughter a liar and a thief. It has worn away my "support" for my
After almost 3 years of this struggle, I am justtired of fighting.
If I had the foresight to know Melissa is going to overcome this, I
might be stronger.
But I don't. She might be one of the ones that does not overcome this
I may bury my daughter.
Right now, right this very minute, she is out there, somewhere searching
for, or doing drugs.
And I wonder, if I had done something differently, if I had put her in
the car and taken her to a rehab, if I would have calmly talked to her,
instead of yelling and saying everything I have thought in the last
years, if I would have just HUGGED her..... maybe she'd be here right
now, instead of out on the street.
Which is where I put her.
If what I am doing is called tough love, it has broken my heart and it
Back to top
Date: 12 Apr 2005
Im Not a Mother, But
I'm a sad girlfriend.
My boyfriend, who was 21 died in a fatal accident in Dalton Ga. We had
been 2gether for 2 years i loved him very much.the thing is that i went
2 texas for a vacation, with my mom, for December, It was December 24 it
was really cold, I was singing when i saw the clock and it was 9, i had
to call my baby, so i asked my aunt for the phone, and tried calling
him, nobody answered at his house, called him 2 my dad's cause they wore
good friends, any my cousin says "Something really bad happened" You,
know i never thought something like a death of a person i really loved,
But yeah, It was that, my dad got on the phone, and said, Your boyfriend
had an accident!! I said "is he ok? i want 2 leave i want 2 see him" My
dad said, i want u 2 stay overthere, he was dead already, but dad didnt
want 2 get me worried...
So my aunt got the phone i was crying my aunt already knew, So she said
"Debra, He's dead" I didnt know what to do, i was going crazy, I miss
him so much, i see him everywhere i look i dont know what to do, thanx 4
In Memory of J.B.L
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Date: 16 Apr 2005
is vinny and im from buffalo,ny. my nightmare began about 8 years
ago in 97'. i have severe back pain(fibromyalgia) and i have had 2
spinal surgeries in 95', and 97'. i started taking lortabs because they
would not only control my pain but they would keep me loose. after a
couple 10 months i realized i was taking more and more. these meds
werent even prescribed i was buying them off the street!! all of a
sudden i was hooked! i started to "hustle" to support my habit. soon
enough i came into some dilaudid(4mg). i traded for 2 bottles 0f 100,
and a bottle of percocet. well needless to say i became a junky w/o a
conscience. soon after in 99' i was introduced to oxycontin. bad mistake
one of my friends told me "if i could get a steady supply of this i
would quit doin dope!"
and you could snort it. well after a couple months i was doing 6-8 40mg
tablets a day. when it got too expensive for the oxy's (sometimes 50
cents a mg) if i was jonesin and couldnt get anything else. well thats
when i first tried H. i was not only addicted to opiate, i was entrigued
by the whole game. goin to cop with that rush you get. soon it was just
a daily thing like going to work. its like your playin god! you feel
like your in hell and you know the cure is in that little bag!!
this went on until i got arrested in january 2005 for possesion i got
caught coming out of a house with 6 bags.
needless to say being in jail is evry junkies nightmare. almost 4 days
in, detoxing in jail with no methadone that sucked!! anyway i got my
self together and moved out of b-lo to a place where i have no contacts
and cant get it if i tried!! im pretty much done with my detox (i got
ten days sober which has been the longest i have gone w/o opiates in
years!!) im still taking some benzo's to help the anxiety/cravings and i
dont sleep but i feel good and am real proud of my progress so far i
just got to keep on the straight. being on dope controls evry aspect of
your life, if your not high your thinking about how your gonna get your
next fix. its not a way for anybody to live. ive increased my faith in
myself, and my faith in knowing im gonna have a better life. if my story
can help anyone to stay away from heroin or other recreational
substances i will be a happy man. i can now begin to enjoy life again.
Back to top
Date: 30 Apr 2005
Rick told me to share my story
on this site so thats what im gonna do but in a short version. Im 18
now and have 9 months clean from heroin. It didnt start out with haroin
it started with alcohol when i was 14 or 15. my life was good...i was in
cheerleading, softball, volleyball i got all As and Bs i had a boyfriend
who i cared alot about and tons of friends. one day i was sitting in my
gym class talking to some friends about pot and i looked around my gym
class and realized alot of these people smoke pot and are all alive so i
cant die from it. Everyday after that i was high. i ditched all my old
friends because i wanted to get high, broke up with my boyfriend, and
quit all my sports. i got addicted and fast. i got suspended at school
for going out to lunch and i wasnt old enough to go out for lunch at
this time so we got searched and suspended for being high and having pot
on us. i got sent to TAG which is IOP and i kept smoking. i loved TAG
i met so many more friends and hook ups and parties...well one night i
didnt come home till about 3am and my mother called the cops on me
because i was drunk. The next week i was at rosecrance. rosecrance is
a 30 to 90 day inpationt rehab in rockford. i was there for 4 months.
i would snort my meds and brake rules and talk to the boys (which your
not aloud to do). i cut myself alot there also when i was mad or sad.
thats something ive been dealing with for a while. well i finally got
kicked out of rosecrance after 4 months and made it 2 weeks and relapsed
on tripple C's. that next day i was smoking pot everyday again. i got
kicked out of crystal lake central high school and had to go to south
high school. i used to say id rather kill myself then go to that school!
well i went and ditched my first day because it sucked. i began doing
coke alot and dealing it at my school. soon enough since i ditched so
much the deans told me if i ditch i get suspended for a week. so every
monday i would come to school high as hell and sleep for the first 4
periods and ditch
Back to top
Date: 03 May 2005
I lost my friend billy to a heroin
overdose. he was with his "friends" when he began to overdose and they
left him on the floor of his bathroom to die. His father had to find
his dead son the next morning. Billy was a good person, he had a warm
heart and smile. he left many people who loved him behind. I wish people
could see the damage that it does to everyone involved in the situation
and think before shooting that needle
Back to top
Date: 20 May 2005
A Heroin Addicts Wife
A poem for my husband; whom is currently incarcerated for drug-related
crimes. He has clean for 19 months.
From the first time I laid eyes on you
I knew you were the one
To have for better or worse
In sickness and in health
We will always be as one
We have lost so much through the years
And have learned our lessons through our tears
All the hurt and all the lies have left us in despair
For your love for chasing the dragon
The love that makes your blood run cold
That controls your whole body, your mind, and your soul
Having the dragon come take your soul, is one of my horrific fears
This is the dragon that you have sold your soul
I have cried many nights, with no one to hold
With an empty feeling, a feeling of being alone
The passion you have for this dragon
I will never understand with all that I am
For this dragon is so evil, and wishes your demise
This dragon knows your love; it sees the glimmer in your eyes
The love you have for this “Faceless Affair”
Have left these feelings of hatred and despair
For this love you have for this dragon I can not compete
I can‘t handle the hurt, the sneakiness, or deceit
As it is tonight, I look to the stars, in the sky, above me
If I could only be granted to have just one special wish
I wish I would wake from this hellish nightmare
To my husband, I choose to stay
In your time of need, through the darkest of days
To be, where as a wife should be, standing right by your side
Some feelings I have, I in fact have to fight
For your love for this dragon, have two different frights
For the fright of the venom, even more for the bite
I will not watch you die; I will help you through this fight
Those demons, birthed from the dragon, which lies deep down inside
These same demons for you sold your soul
My faith in you is ever so strong
For only you can fix what is wrong
You are my knight in shining armor
You’re the love of my life, which you will stay
For our love is a love that only happens once in your life
So cherish that love that can’t be taken away
Hold close to your heart to what you already have,
Try to be careful what you may have to say
For you will never know what will be from day to day
So live for today, for it may be your last
Learn how to forgive, we all have our pasts
For this self inflicted disease that you call a habit,
Has taken us to hell, because you just had to have it
We all have our skeletons, we all have our faults
But this disease has our dreams, bringing them to a halt
For you have sold your soul to the devil, and he will choose the time
Unless you change your perilous ways of life and crime
I would pray to the lord above, and ask for one last time
To help you to defeat those demons that run through your veins
Before they beckon your soul, for it would be a mortal shame
You are stronger than you think; and I will never know your pain
The one and only true love, this man I chose to marry,
To stand by as your wife, the weight that I must carry
The love I have for you, will always give me courage
To help you get through these darkest of days
And I will pray to God, those demons won’t take you away
For I will help see you through until the end of this horrible voyage
To find the self-esteem you’ve lost, and to help find the courage
For I am the only one who really knows you, the only one who cares
Don’t let those demons take your soul, make sure to win the fight
We are together forever, and forever I am your wife
You are my knight in shining armor, and forever you just might
To fight and conquer these demons, the ones that hold your soul
This battle that you have to fight, will be a battle for your life
I know I said it before; I want it to be forever
To spend the rest of my life, forever as your wife
For you my one true love, you are the one for me
Who can save us from this painful, hellish life.
I miss your smile, the glimmer in your eyes, your gentle touch
The way you kiss and caress me and the way you hold me tight
You have a special way with loving me, it truly means so much
For these are the precious moments that I think of every night
The only thing to do is to wait, until you do your time
For your love for the dragon has brought you to a life of crime
Only then we will be together forever till the end of time.
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Date: 21 May 2005
i don't really know where
to start. i'm not the one who uses it's my boyfriend and all my
friends. when i started dating my boyfriend everything was good we had a
great relationship and we were happy, then he started doing herion. he
started to change we fought all the time. then i found out that all of
my friends were also using i started to feel like i wasn't part of the
group anymore. i never used, so i couldn't truly understand what they
were all going through. my boyfriend starting putting me in danger by
taking me to go get it and i never knew what was going on. i was blind
to it. then he got arrested and went to rehab. i stood by his side the
whole time. i've been through rehab after rehab with him. he finally
decided that he needed to get clean or he was going to die. he moved
1500 miles away to get help. i haven't seen or spoke to him in almost a
year now. i know that everything that i have been through will only make
me a stronger person. i give alot of credit to those parents who go
through this with their children.
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Date: 11 Aug 2005
HI, I JUST LOSTED MY
BESTFRIEND LASTS WEEK TO A HERION
OVERDOSE I BEEN FRIENDS WITH HER FOR 11 YEARS WITH MANY OTHER FRIENDS
AND 15 OUT OF THE 20 FRIENDS THAT I GROW UP WITH ARE ADDICTED TO HERION
AND THATS JUST THE FEMALE ONES AND 10 OF 15 ARE MOMS MY BEST FRIEND WHO
DIED IS A MOMMY TO A 3 YEAR OLD BABY GIRL.EVERYDAY I SIT HERE WHO IS
NEXTS I PRAY EVERYDAY I ASK THEM PLEASE GET HELP BUT THATS ALL I CAN DO
. BECAUSE IF YOU SAY TO MUCH THEY WILL RUNAWAY FROM YOU ALL YOU CAN
REALLY DO IS TELL THEM THAT YOUR HERE FOR THEM AND THAT YOUR NOT GOING
ANY ANYWERE I,M WRITING THIS TO TELL YOU ALL JUST HANG IN THERE AND HOPE
FOR THE BEST AND PRAY EVERYDAY . BECAUSE I I,M.
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Date: 10 Aug 2005
I am a twenty year old from
Springfield, Illinois and my mother just passed away from a herion
overdose on July 8th. I don't have no one to talk to and I was wondering
if anyone had any suggestions
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Date: 11 Sep 2005
I have been dating
my boyfriend for 3 years. He has always been such a good person and
some of the best times of my life have been with him. Now, I have never
done any drugs in my life. I found out he was doing herion about 8
months ago. He was bad on it and would shoot it in his arms several
times a day. Now, I never saw him do this and I have never seen the
drug before. Shortly after I found out about him doing it, he went to
jail because he started stealing things (which was not like him at
all). He spent a few months in there and realized how much he would be
clean. He even promised me. When he got out, he was really good for a
while, he was always with me. After a while, he started hanging around
the same crowd again and I started realizing odd behavior. I found a
cap to one of his needles. I confronted him and he confessed. He tried
to quit for a few days, and he got very sick. I stood by him and tried
to care for him. I would rather see him sick because he is actually
getting well. He started doing it again and he has went to rehab. I
really pray that this is going to help him, because he really wants to
quit. But something about this drug is very powerful. He is such a
sweet and loving person. This just breaks my heart. He is my first
love. We would be lost without each other. But I do want to tell
people that for a while, it can be difficult to detect whether or not
someone is doing heroin. I did not notice for months, and this is the
man who I sleep next to every night. And they are full of so much guilt
and shame that some people may never admit that they do it. He now
talks to me a lot more openly about it. I would just like to ask that
everyone please pray for him, and pray for all the other people that are
so helplessly addicted this drug.
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Date: 10 Oct 2005
I lost a
very important person because of this drug... first let me start off
by saying im 21yr. i live in mchenry, and almost about everyone i know
is using.. ive wrote in here before about my boyfriend and my brother,
well my boyfriend is now the father of my child and my brother is prolly
on the brink of losing his life to this. on feb.21 i lost my cousin todd,
he was only 25yrs.old, now some will say it wasnt the drug that killed
him it was because he had a blood infection.. but stop and think about
why did he have the blood infection? he fell into a coma and never came
out of it, and yes he was a user just like my brother and my boyfriend..
when todd died i felt like this would really wake my brother up cause
they were soo close to each other, some say they were brothers. well my
boyfriend ended up doing a yr. in prison and he just got out on 7-5-05..
i also got involved with someone else and it turned out that ya he was a
user but you would never think he used.. i mean he wasnt your typical
"prep" he had a wild side to him, but he was so fun, and loving. i just
didnt get it.. but back to what i was saying.. when my boyfriend got out
of prison you know they tell you the same old crap, jail talk.. i
promise im not gonna use, and i found the lord, and i want to be a man
and a father to my son.. but that lasted for about a month.. lets see
its 10-10-05 and i havent heard anything about the bible, hes back
hanging out with the old mchenry crowd and ya im still here.. i live
with him, again.. all i want is for him to confess to me about it, and
it will be soo much easier for me to walk away.. i know i have to think
whats best for my son and i am, its just i have a hard time turning my
back on people.. its like if i stay here ill have to deal with him. if i
go home ill have to deal with my brother im just so lost and confused!
if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.. and for anyone that
lives in mchenry and you know who i am and what im talking about please
open your eyes and look at what is going on,
R.I.P... Jeffery H.,Ricky G., Sean M.,and Todd D.,
we dont want to loose anymore!
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Date: 11 Oct 2005
hi my name
and i was a heroin attack for about 4 years...my brothers were the
first one's who introduce me to this drug.. i never knew what this drug
would do to you, until i couldn't get off of it... it seemed every time
i would try to get off i would just fall back to the same happits agian
and the pians you get when you would try to get off of it..they hurt so
bad. no one realy understands how bad they are until you go through
them...i hate when people try to tell you its so easy to clean yourself
because it's not. it takes a lot of hard ake and emotional stress to get
yourself through it...now im clean i been clean for about 4 years now...
but one of my brothers is still on it... and it's so hard to get him
off.. he has a baby but the drug takes control of him and what worked
for me is not working for him and i fear for his life i already lost two
of my friends to this drug one of a overdose and the other committed
sueside...even thou your not going through the pain yourself it feels
like you are seeing your love ones go through it...but to all those
people who has love one keep your faith that one day they'll change i
did and i haven't lost hope in my brother....
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Date: 11 Nov 2005
I had a friend who was 23
years old. He was doing it once in a while, while he was on
vacation he o.d. This is a very dangerous drug, a killer. If you have
a friend or family member who is doing it, do not be afraid to say
something, it may keep the alive
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Date: 12 Nov 2005
MY NAME IS ROSY I AM 26 AND MY SISTER
ALMOST MOTHER I LOVE HER TO DEATH ...IS A HEROINE ADDICT
THIS IS HOW THW STORY STARTS MY SISTER WENT THRU A DIVORCE ABOUT 1
1/2 YEARS AGO HER HUSBAND IS A COP AND A VERY CORRECT MAN THEY HAVE A
DAUGHTER THAT IS USE TO HAVING IT ALL THEY WERE VERY WELL MONEY IN FACT
MY WHOLE FAMILY AND I ARE VERY WELL OFF AND WE ALL COME FROM A
PROFESSIONAL BACKROUND .WELL SHE MOVED DOWN HERE TO DALLAS AND GOT A
REALLY GOOD JOB IN A LINEN COMPANY .THEIR SHE MET THIS STUPID GUY HIS
NAME IS JUAN SHE FELL IN LOVE LITTLE DID WE KNOW THAT HE WAS JUST SOME
KIND OF EMPLYEE SHE WAS THE TOP KNOTCH IN THIS COMP ,AFTER A FEW MONTHS
WE ALL STARTED NOTICING CHANGES IN HER SHE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT IT WASNT
FUNNY THEN SHE STARTED BEING AWAY FROM US AND SHE WAS ALWAYS ASLEEP OR
SICK SHE SAID BUT .ONE OF MY OTHER SISTERS KEPT TELLING US SHE WAS USING
DRUGS WE NEVER BELIVED HER SHE ,SURE ENOUGH LAST YEAR ON OUR WAY TO EL
PASO TEXAS (MY MOTHER HAD A HEART ATTACK ),WE ALL GOT THEIR AND
EVERYTHING WAS FINE BUT WE STARTED NOTICING SHE WAS REALLY SICK SHE WAS
CRYING AND CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR SHE TOLD ONE OF MY OTHER SISTERS THAT
IS A SCHOOL COULSELOR IN ORDER FOR HER TO STOP ACKING THEY HAD TO GET
HER SOME HELP QUICK .WE WENT BACK TO DALLAS AND SHE HAD TOLD US THAT SHE
WAS GOING TO GET HELP BUT SHE DIDNT SHE DIDNT SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH US
BECAUSE SHE WAS SO OUT OF IT AND SHE DIDNT SPEND CHRISMAS WITH US EITHER
.AS TIME PASSED WE GIOT HER TO AGREE TO GO TO REHAB SO WE TAKE HER TO A
REALLY NICE PLACE STATE OF THE ART WE SPEND THOUSANDS OF MONEY IN ALL OF
US TOGETHER ........BUT SHE ONLY STAYED THEIR ONE WEEK AND WHILE SHE WAS
IN THEIR HER STUPID BOYFRIEND KEPT GOING TO SEE HER AND OF COURSE GIVING
IT TO HER .AFTER SHE GOT OUT SHE GAINED ALOT OF WEIGHT AND NOW SHE
SMOKES AND SHE DOESNT HAVE A JOB BECAUSE SHE WONT TAKE A DRUG TEST SHE
DOESNT HAVE WATER IN HER HOUSE BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT PAID FOR IT AND WE
SUSPECT SHE IS DOING IT AGAIN ***
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Date: 10 Dec 2005
charlotte 31 from
not knowing anything, at all not even about any help you can get if
you got the money!!! typical of this world, ive been tryiny to
understand the drug for 4years. its evil the devils tonic, the apple we
souldnt eat, once its got a hold you mite aswell say goodbye to the life
you had as it will destroy anything in its path like fire, easy for me
to say as i have never ever tried it and wouldnt wont to, but then i
wouldnt want to start a war either and there not much difference. the
most wonderfull man in my world who i would be honered for him to be my
man has been clean well over a month yippy xx and getting help to make
it forever this time as its been a long up hill jouerney i dont ever
want to retake, worst than climbing everest not many people or
partnership make it back, or thou it, as it tests every thing and part
about us also stuff & people around you, abit like a plague only the
strong will servive, i thank god, my destiny & life that we can see the
sun,sea,sunsets,stars& moon,also i hope and pray we see many many more
together. hes friend died one in prison & another poorly,I cant belive
its from poppies they are supose to be the flower of rememberance sunday
as its only the habit that gets peace & rememberance to the people who
take it they never get peace,i dont know why the armies bother with all
the weapons as the plant made one for them the best weapon for desroying
the humun race give them a high that they think is great and they kill
thereself thinking they on a high, for what it does and turns people
into there are more & more downs hard to find any good side to anything,
to see someone you love so very much detereate infront of your own eyes
is hard and to try tell them you love them when all they do is push you
away and think or make up bad stuff to make the stuff justfiable to
them, as for the people it leaves behind, in its path of death &
destucion, the devil dont need to do any work when the dragons doing his
work for him, i wish i could become a dragon slager and defea
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Date: 17 Dec 2005
ive been dating my gf
for only 3 months and she told me she did heroin with some people.
so i made up a story about my ex gf promising me shed quit and she died
a week later trying to scare her n shit and stuff like that.. from what
i understand people that do it have dry skin and itch a lot? when she
did it there were blood stains on her sheets from getting nose bleeds
when she slept and her legs looked really bad. it looked like she was
cutting her ankles but it was just her scratching them so much.. she
told me she stopped about 2-3 weeks ago but the marks are still there,
does that mean shes still doing it?
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Date: 18 Dec 2005
i am currently going
through withdrawl now and it is one of the hardest things i have
ever had to do. i wasnt doing heroin for a long time but my boyfriend
has been sniffing for years. you see i always liked him and he never
liked me back. i moved on got married and then there he was...telling me
he loved me and all this stuff. we used to be friends and would sniff
dope together, but we split apart and i wasnt addicted at all. that
time! we we caught up he said he was straight and going to meetings.
some how some way that didnt last and he and i started up. he ended
going to jail for 4 months and got clean. and yet again i got off no
problem. then his mother died and after 6 weeks of being clean he messed
up. towards the summer i finakly hooked and now i hacve no husband, no
friends, and barely any dignity. plus no money. so i left him, told my
mom and husband and am getting help
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