Date: 18 Dec 2005   i am currently going through withdrawl
Date: 17 Dec 2005  ive been dating my gf for only 3 months
Date:        10 Dec 2005  charlotte 31 from not knowing anything, at
Date: 12 Nov 2005    MY NAME IS ROSY
Date: 11 Nov 2005   I had a friend who was 23 years
Date: 11 Oct 2005    hi my name is rosy and i was a heroin attack for
Date: 10 Oct 2005   I lost a very important person because of this drug
.Date: 11 Aug 2005 I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years ....
Date: 10 Aug 2005    I am a twenty year old...... 
11 Aug 2005  HI, I JUST LOSTED MY BESTFRIEND
21 May 2005    i don't really know where to start.   Click for more of story
20 May 2005  A Heroin Addicts Wife  Click here for more of story
03 May 2005  I lost my friend billy Click for more of story
30 Apr 2005  Rick told me to share my story  Click for more of story
26 Mar 2005
Rich Mc-  19 years old and 6 months clean.  Click here for the rest of the story
29 Mar 2005
im not really ready for a story yet,but ill tell you  Click here for rest of storyHeroin Awareness Foundation
Date: 09 Apr 2005
Over the last 3 years, I have "saved"   Click here for rest of story
Date: 12 Apr 2005
Im Not a Mother, But I'm a sad girlfriend. Click here for rest of story
Date: 16 Apr 2005
my name is vinny and im from buffalo,ny. my nightmare Click here for rest of story
Dear folks at heroinhelp,

The following is my story, thank you for being there!   Click here to read more
10 Mar 2005
Hi my name is danielle and i have a friend  Click here to read more   08 Feb 2005
I recently wrote the story a mothers nightmare  Click here for more  20 Feb 2005
 A mothers nightmare.  Click here to read more..   29 Jan 2005



 

Date: 29 Jan 2005

             A mothers nightmare.
My son has been on herion for the last seven years, within that time I have lost almost all of the son I gave birth to.He has been in and out of jail and in and out of rehad,he normally rings me to say were he is and how he is going,but up until a month ago I haven't heard from him since he was kicked out of the last rehab centre. I fear for him everyday, I wonder were he sleeps and were he eats and above all how he is supporting his habit. I love my son as do so many parents out their love their children on herion, I;m scared and I want him to be alright, for those people who make a living on killing our children and destroying so many lives I take pity on you for good will prevail


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Date: 08 Feb 2005

Hi my name is danielle and i have a friend who has just started heroine.I try so hard to help her that i hurt myself in the end. She's 1 of my best friends and i watch her fall apart everyday.I ask her y she does it and all she can do is shake her head.I cry so much because she doesnt even listen 2 me and i know that 1 of these days she's going 2 die and i'll be the 1 blamed beacuse i didnt tell anybody.

                  thanks danielle
 

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Date: 20 Feb 2005
I recently wrote the story a mothers nightmare.Well I'm still living with that nightmare but I finally have decided to get some help for myself.In the 10yrs of my son being on heroin I have suffered from bad anxiety attacks lack of sleep and my life not being in incontrol.I have finally come to realize that no amount of worrying is going to change the path my son decides to go on.I have joined an-anon which supports family and friends through this tough time,this is the first time I have decided to do this so I believe I have hit rock bottom and need to regain my health and life.I have heard from my son since the last story,he still is using and he still is ringing for a place to stay.In the past I have always dropped everything and made his life easy while making mine harder, for the very first time I said no,I realize that he to has to hit rock bottom.I could have two things happen now,one I bear not to think about but the other could be a whole new awakening for my boy and I am hoping for the later of the two.He is in gods care now for I need to rest awhile but I will pray for him everyday.

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 10 Mar 2005

Dear folks at heroinhelp,

The following is my story, thank you for being there!

My Story is one that is all too familiar to many families.  It is a story that needs to be told for a number of reasons.  Reasons for telling my story are primarily as a catharsis for myself and a help to others.
In 1982 my son Jim was eighteen years old.  He was out of school, without a diploma and setting no goals or boundaries for himself.  In fact he merely existed.  When I realized that he was going to continue this way I decided I needed to help him along with the decisions he needed to make in those areas.  I went to his room one day with all my courage and lovingly told him he needed to make a choice and he had thirty days to decide.  His choices were the following:
X Get a job
X Go to school
X Both of the above
X Go into military service
X Move out

You can imagine the pain when he chose the last one.  He moved out.  That was in November 1982. 
I didn't hear from Jim during the holidays that year, and needless to say it was even more painful.  It is a good thing we didn't know what the next few months and years were going to bring.  They took their emotional toll on my husband, my family and myself.
My father was diagnosed with cancer of the liver in 1983; he had emphysema and was given three months to live.  I had my first job in banking and was trying to work my way into management.  My life and times were becoming a nightmare. 
Sometime early in that same year we received a phone call.  I will never forget it. It was early on a Sunday morning.  Things always happen on the weekend when help is not easy to obtain.  Help such as veterinarians, doctors, psychologists, etc.!  That phone call was to change my life forever.  There are those instances in all of our lives that will dramatically affect us in ways we never dreamed of.  The phone call was from my son's girlfriend.  She told me that he had overdosed on heroin.  Her description of what happened was horrifying.  He had threatened to kill her if she told me that he had been using heroin.  She found him face down in the front yard.  She called 911.The paramedics took him to the emergency room.  He was revived and released.  Thus began a whole string of events.  In looking back I wonder how we survived the nightmare.  I remember being afraid to answer the phone just knowing what the news might be. 
Jim continued to use.  He came to see us a couple of times when we lived in Hesperia and during the time I was running back and forth to Lancaster to visit my dad in the hospital.  I remember Jim driving me to the store, pulling out into traffic and I wondering why he hadn't yielded to on-coming cars.  Probably because he hadn't seen them!  He was high and I had no idea what was going on nor could I have told you what the signs and symptoms were.
He eventually came home to live with us in the upper desert and my husband found him some gainful employment.  He worked for about three months and one Friday evening  I came home to his empty bedroom.  My first clue was that the bed was made and the room looked as though no one had ever been in it.  I checked his bank account the following Monday and sure enough it had been cleaned out!  He just left without warning or saying goodbye.
Weeks went by before I heard from him again.  He seemed to check in and out.  One day I received a call at work.  He was calling me to tell me he was going to go into the Navy.  He had been going to Narcotics Anonymous and had cleaned up.  I was elated.  At last, he was growing up!  There was hope!  Yeah!
He went to boot camp in San Diego.  I went with some friends to see his graduation.  Boy I was proud!  Within days he left, got high and overdosed again.  I just knew he would be found AWOL and slapped into the "slammer"!  No, not him!  H got out of the hospital and when he went back on base they fined him $100.00 and had him confined to base for a short period of time.
He shipped out to sea and was gone for months.  When he came back I prayed everything would be ok from then on and it was for a long time.
Jim grew up; as did a lot of kids with the idea that someday he could become a great Rock Star!  He continued to pursue this dream and had the opportunity to play with many different bands or groups.  He is a self-taught musician.  Over the years he learned guitar, keyboards, and drums.  He went to work for a sound studio and learned the techniques used in the recording industry.  He eventually bought his own equipment and began his own business.  He has been somewhat successful in that he not only recorded for various artists but also produced and marketed some of his own CD's. 
Jim eventually met his love. Her name is Helen.  She was also working in the entertainment industry.  She worked for Electra Records in public relations.  They married and were very happy for a long time.  Then she decided to get out of the entertainment business.  She had a degree and was a graduate of Princeton University.  She chose to go back to school and study medicine.  They had the backing of her parents and she was able to go to school full time.  Helen lost her father in December 2001.
During Helen's pursuit of a medical career they decided to add to their family.  Helen became pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl in January of 2002.  Baby Zoe was born January 23, 2002.  Jim was to become a "stay-at-home" dad.  They moved from the San Fernando Valley to Huntington Beach so that Helen could be closer to the campus at Irvine.
It was sometime during the stay in Huntington Beach that it became known to Helen that Jim had begun to use heroin again.  The whole family was floored!  Jim has two half sisters.  He has aunts and uncles that care for him, he has his Mom and his Step-dad, and two step-sisters.  He has all kinds of family support, everyone is pulling for him.  His wife, her family and especially Helen's mother have been supporting him emotionally as well as financially.  His mother-in-law has given 200% of herself to see to it that Helen, Zoe and Jim were comfortable and Jim did not have to step into the role of "stay-at-home" dad.  Early in Zoe's little life Jim decided he wasn't cut out for that role.  He could be a father but not a "babysitter". 
On the outside looking in it appeared as though Jim had it made. He had a happy home, a happy family, all the creature comforts and a future full of hope and promise. 
When he was caught the first time (this time) Helen gave him the ultimate opportunity to go to a detoxification and sober living facility.  She too had to give him boundaries and limits.  He had to stay clean and sober for 90 days before moving back in.  He tried and the second time was successful.  He moved home.  Helen graduated.  Jim got high.  Jim went into a treatment program in Ojai.  He sobered up.  Jim got high and was kicked out of his home again for a period of time to get clean and sober.  He came to live with Mom and his step dad.  He was still high.  He checked into a Zen/Buddhist facility in Idyllwild for 90 days.  Our hopes were again exhilarated.  After the camp in Idyllwild he came out looking better than he had in years.  You see they have a daily regimen and diet that allows for no personal gain. 
I thought at last he has found a belief, though it's not in God, I thought at least it was something he could hold onto for guidance, stability and hope.  I had so hoped and prayed that through this God would change Jim's heart.  I prayed that God would speak to him and convert him and then I realized that if not God, at least it was Buddha and it appeared that he was clean and sober, and that was good enough for me.
Wrong!  November 2004,  Thanksgiving at my house.  Jim, Helen, Zoe, Zoe's other Grandma, and other family gather for the holiday celebration.  Jim is ill, he looks terrible, he sleeps in the living room, and something is odd!  He looks gray.  He looks like he did in high school.  He has that 70's look.  Long hair, baggy clothes, lost a lot of weight, and I'm stricken.  Mom knows when something isn't right.  I don't want to know but I do know!
After the holidays Jim telephoned.  He is distraught.  He is losing his family.  His wife asked him to move out again.  He has no place to go.  He tells me he is going to live on someone's couch and get rid of all of his things that Helen won't let him keep at the house and can he store some things at my house?   Do I need to tell you that at first I said yes?
My husband and I had discussions about the advisability of this as we have been there before and also have no storage space.  We decided that it was not a good idea but oh well, I said yes anyway!  Are you surprised?!  How many times do e have to be trounced on before we get the picture? 
My conversations were almost daily with Jim.  I called to say I love you, how are you doing, and even though you mad a mistake again I will always love and support you.  I also had my opinions as to how things should be handled in his home and relationship with the wife.  I verbalized my disbelief in how Helen was handling things and it goes on. 
Helen decided to file for divorce after talking to an attorney.  She can not continue to be responsible for him personally and financially.  She told me that she will not be there anymore.  I will always be Grandma H. and Zoe's Grandma, but she will not be there.  I love her and told her she will always be part of my family and I will always love her.
Jim tells me that if he can't have his family he might as well get on with the business of killing himself.  Great!  What every mother wants to hear. 
One night when Jim called and was telling me what was going on in his life I came to his side of things. He said he needed a place to store his things.  He told me Helen wanted his "stuff" out of the house.  I reluctantly agreed to let him store his boxes here even though we would have to change things around to accommodate him.
Jim kept telling me that he was a drug addict and that I just didn't "get it". We argued and I told him that I loved him and even though  we didn't agree on the ways things were being handled between he and Helen he would always be my child.  Finally I started to acquiesce and let him be the leader in the conversation.  I hate confrontation.  We finished talking and said "goodbye".  I got to thinking, "you know, you don't have room to store things, and you are not doing him any favors by catering to his situation."  I called him back and told him not to bring his "stuff" here, we didn't have room.  He told me I was a hypocrite  Things went south from there, I hung up on him.
As you can imagine the next few days were agonizing.  I still struggled with "did I do the right thing?"   I e-mailed a letter to him.  I told him I didn't know how to help him and certainly didn't know how to deal with his problem.  I also told him again that I loved him.  His reply was apologetic.  He had to tell me our relationship was not what it seemed to be.
He has been in touch with his sister.  She continues to try to help him and support him.  He is still using heroin and has told her that the last two times he went on methadone he continued to use.  We suspect that is what is happening now.
I don't know at this point how this will all end.  I have been told that the statistics are not in his favor. 
God has Jim in His hands.  I pray a lot for Jim.  He is in a lot of prayers.  Sometimes it is hard to wait for God's answer.  Maybe the answer is not one I want to hear.  Someday the answer will come and maybe it will be a miracle.  Maybe the answer will be "no".  All I can do is look to the Lord for comfort and trust in Him.  It will be through my belief in God that I will survive and understand all this some day.
 

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Date:        26 Mar 2005

Rich Mc-  19 years old and 6 months clean. All I can guarantee is this daily reprieve, if I am willing. Tomorrow is not guaranteed but if I do what is needed to stay clean today, I have one more day.
 

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Date: 29 Mar 2005

im not really ready for a story yet,but ill tell you im 30 and im a father of two a husband a son and an addict. im recovering with the help of methadone for a little over 2 years. what i want to say is to the parents, mothers mostly, it is not your fault that your child is an addict, im not even sure its their fault. this thing doesnt pick and choose it will take anyone, sometimes its ginetic sometimes its just failure to cope, theres so many reasons, but i know for sure that for most of you parents out there its definately not your fault that we are this way!
 

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Date: 09 Apr 2005

Over the last 3 years, I have "saved" my daughter, Melissa, from the messes she has made. I have paid a lawyer several thousand dollars to keep her out of prison. I have bailed her out of jai, which included a few hours in an environment I never thought I would see... I even left her in jail once last year, June 2004. She called and begged and pleaded for me to go and get her and the toughest thing I ever had to do was leave her there.

After 3 days, they let her out and I got her into a rehab, which since she was no longer on my insurance was almost impossible to find. By the grace of God, after so many telephone calls, I called a hotline and got a mom whose son had been on heroine who gave me a rehab in NJ that was state funded. It was more than 3 hours away, but I got my girl there and she finished the program.

Then she went to a half way house, which was a horror. That didn't work out, apparently because she wouldn't take a drug test. She told me that was NOT true and I believed her..... now I know.

Heorine. I had no idea. I thought heroine was used by down and out people who laid in alleys.

When it first occurred to me this was what she was doing, I started to research it on the internet. I was so scared that I didn't have the courage to know the facts about it.

When I found that it was definitely heroine, I had to know.

The 2 drug cartles competing for business decided to purify heroine and intentionally targeted a certain group. Just like any other product that needs a market, they targeted kids. They targeted my daughter.

When I needed help, finding empathy was not easy. The commercials tell you to "just say no", they tell me to talk to my kids about drugs..... but they don't tell me what to do when my daughter snorts a drug that is addictive the first time it is done.

It was that mom that I called that was the most wonderful person that I may ever know. She shared her woes and even told me that tough love might be my answer.

After rehab, Melissa came home. I was hopeful, she seemed to have decided what kind of life she wanted and what kind of life she did not want.

I am a single mother of three kids, Melissa is 20 and she is my oldest. I've been a single mother forever, even when I was married. I've made a lot of mistakes, but I've never taught my children to lie, cheat, steal or do drugs. I work hard for everything that I have and while not perfect, God knows I am a genuinely good person.

How did my daughter learn this?

My heart broke today. Two weeks ago, Meliss stole my MAC card. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it was her. And even though I threatned to throw her out, I didn't. She is my daughter. I am afraid of what she may face if not at home.

She has made choices before to not live by the rules of this house and ended up with my father. Who she stole from as well. We have all been hurt by this kid, disappointed.

Today, two weeks after the MAC card incident, which I let go and probably shouldn't have, I found that she tried to cash one of my checks.

I put her out.

I threw her out.

I was mean and said things that I shouldn't have.

I even told her that if she wants to do drugs and kill herself, to GO AHEAD!

I did not mean that and it's too late to take that back. I could have said I hate her actions, but I didn't. I berated her and told her to leave my house and not to come back.

As of this moment. This very moment that I write this, I have learned that she is out buying heroine.

It seems like I have lived forever with the fear that they are going to find my daughter's body. When she is not here, every telephone call, every knock on the door, every time a police car nears my house, this is my fear.

I pray to God to keep her safe, to stay with her, to save her from this addiction that I do not understand.

Every once in awhile, I recognize the person I knew before this drug invaded our lives. I want her back. I just want that beautiful, blonde hair, blue eyed, little girl back.

And I wonder, what did I do wrong? And I wonder what could I have done differently?

And I wonder, most of all, I wonder will I ever have my daughter back?

The times she had gotten into trouble with the law, I rescued her. At this moment, I would take her being sentenced to prison, just so I know she won't be found dead.

Heroine something that I do not know how to fight. Herone is a monster under the bed that I can not protect my daughter from. Heroine has taken my daughter away from me.  And I do not understand. It has made my daughter a liar and a thief. It has worn away my "support" for my daughter.

After almost 3 years of this struggle, I am justtired of fighting.

If I had the foresight to know Melissa is going to overcome this, I might be stronger.

But I don't. She might be one of the ones that does not overcome this addiction.

I may bury my daughter.

Right now, right this very minute, she is out there, somewhere searching for, or doing drugs.

And I wonder, if I had done something differently, if I had put her in the car and taken her to a rehab, if I would have calmly talked to her, instead of yelling and saying everything I have thought in the last years, if I would have just HUGGED her..... maybe she'd be here right now, instead of out on the street.

Which is where I put her.

If what I am doing is called tough love, it has broken my heart and it hurts.

 

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Date: 12 Apr 2005

Im Not a Mother, But I'm a sad girlfriend.
My boyfriend, who was 21 died in a fatal accident in Dalton Ga. We had been 2gether for 2 years i loved him very much.the thing is that i went 2 texas for a vacation, with my mom, for December, It was December 24 it was really cold, I was singing when i saw the clock and it was 9, i had to call my baby, so i asked my aunt for the phone, and tried calling him, nobody answered at his house, called him 2 my dad's cause they wore good friends, any  my cousin says "Something really bad happened" You, know i never thought something like a death of a person i really loved, But yeah, It was that, my dad got on the phone, and said, Your boyfriend had an accident!! I said "is he ok? i want 2 leave i want 2 see him" My dad said, i want u 2 stay overthere, he was dead already, but dad didnt want 2 get me worried...
So my aunt got the phone i was crying my aunt already knew, So she said "Debra, He's dead" I didnt know what to do, i was going crazy, I miss him so much, i see him everywhere i look i dont know what to do, thanx 4 listining!
-Debra
In Memory of J.B.L
1983-2004
 

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Date: 16 Apr 2005

hey,
my name is vinny and im from buffalo,ny. my nightmare began about 8 years ago in 97'. i have severe back pain(fibromyalgia) and i have had 2 spinal surgeries in 95', and 97'. i started taking lortabs because they would not only control my pain but they would keep me loose. after a couple 10 months i realized i was taking more and more. these meds werent even prescribed i was buying them off the street!! all of a sudden i was hooked! i started to "hustle" to support my habit. soon enough i came into some dilaudid(4mg). i traded for 2 bottles 0f 100, and a bottle of percocet. well needless to say i became a junky w/o a conscience. soon after in 99' i was introduced to oxycontin. bad mistake one of my friends told me "if i could get a steady supply of this i would quit doin dope!"
and you could snort it. well after a couple months i was doing 6-8 40mg tablets a day. when it got too expensive for the oxy's (sometimes 50 cents a mg) if i was jonesin and couldnt get anything else. well thats when i first tried H. i was not only addicted to opiate, i was entrigued by the whole game. goin to cop with that rush you get. soon it was just a daily thing like going to work. its like your playin god! you feel like your in hell and you know the cure is in that little bag!!
this went on until i got arrested in january 2005 for possesion i got caught coming out of a house with 6 bags.
needless to say being in jail is evry junkies nightmare. almost 4 days in, detoxing in jail with no methadone that sucked!! anyway i got my self together and moved out of b-lo to a place where i have no contacts and cant get it if i tried!! im pretty much done with my detox (i got ten days sober which has been the longest i have gone w/o opiates in years!!) im still taking some benzo's to help the anxiety/cravings and i dont sleep but i feel good and am real proud of my progress so far i just got to keep on the straight. being on dope controls evry aspect of your life, if your not high your thinking about how your gonna get your next fix. its not a way for anybody to live. ive increased my faith in myself, and my faith in knowing im gonna have a better life. if my story can help anyone to stay away from heroin or other recreational substances i will be a happy man. i can now begin to enjoy life again.
 

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Date: 30 Apr 2005

Rick told me to share my story on this site so thats what im gonna do but in a short version.  Im 18 now and have 9 months clean from heroin.  It didnt start out with haroin it started with alcohol when i was 14 or 15. my life was good...i was in cheerleading, softball, volleyball i got all As and Bs i had a boyfriend who i cared alot about and tons of friends.  one day i was sitting in my gym class talking to some friends about pot and i looked around my gym class and realized alot of these people smoke pot and are all alive so i cant die from it.  Everyday after that i was high. i ditched all my old friends because i wanted to get high, broke up with my boyfriend, and quit all my sports. i got addicted and fast.  i got suspended at school for going out to lunch and i wasnt old enough to go out for lunch at this time so we got searched and suspended for being high and having pot on us.  i got sent to TAG which is IOP and i kept smoking.  i loved TAG i met so many more friends and hook ups and parties...well one night i didnt come home till about 3am and my mother called the cops on me because i was drunk.  The next week i was at rosecrance.  rosecrance is a 30 to 90 day inpationt rehab in rockford.  i was there for 4 months.  i would snort my meds and brake rules and talk to the boys (which your not aloud to do).  i cut myself alot there also when i was mad or sad.  thats something ive been dealing with for a while. well i finally got kicked out of rosecrance after 4 months and made it 2 weeks and relapsed on tripple C's. that next day i was smoking pot everyday again.  i got kicked out of crystal lake central high school and had to go to south high school. i used to say id rather kill myself then go to that school! well i went and ditched my first day because it sucked.  i began doing coke alot and dealing it at my school.  soon enough since i ditched so much the deans told me if i ditch i get suspended for a week. so every monday i would come to school high as hell and sleep for the first 4 periods and ditch
 

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Date:        03 May 2005

I lost my friend billy to a heroin overdose. he was with his "friends" when he began to overdose and they left him on the floor of his bathroom to die.  His father had to find his dead son the next morning.  Billy was a good person, he had a warm heart and smile. he left many people who loved him behind. I wish people could see the damage that it does to everyone involved in the situation and think before shooting that needle
 

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Date: 20 May 2005

A Heroin Addicts Wife

A poem for my husband; whom is currently incarcerated for drug-related crimes. He has clean for 19 months.

From the first time I laid eyes on you
I knew you were the one
To have for better or worse
In sickness and in health
We will always be as one

We have lost so much through the years
And have learned our lessons through our tears
All the hurt and all the lies have left us in despair
For your love for chasing the dragon
The love that makes your blood run cold
That controls your whole body, your mind, and your soul
Having the dragon come take your soul, is one of my horrific fears
This is the dragon that you have sold your soul
I have cried many nights, with no one to hold
With an empty feeling, a feeling of being alone
The passion you have for this dragon
I will never understand with all that I am

For this dragon is so evil, and wishes your demise
This dragon knows your love; it sees the glimmer in your eyes
The love you have for this “Faceless Affair”
Have left these feelings of hatred and despair
For this love you have for this dragon I can not compete
I can‘t handle the hurt, the sneakiness, or deceit
As it is tonight, I look to the stars, in the sky, above me
If I could only be granted to have just one special wish
I wish I would wake from this hellish nightmare

To my husband, I choose to stay
In your time of need, through the darkest of days
To be, where as a wife should be, standing right by your side
Some feelings I have, I in fact have to fight
For your love for this dragon, have two different frights
For the fright of the venom, even more for the bite
I will not watch you die; I will help you through this fight
Those demons, birthed from the dragon, which lies deep down inside
These same demons for you sold your soul

My faith in you is ever so strong
For only you can fix what is wrong
You are my knight in shining armor
You’re the love of my life, which you will stay
For our love is a love that only happens once in your life
So cherish that love that can’t be taken away
Hold close to your heart to what you already have,
Try to be careful what you may have to say
For you will never know what will be from day to day

So live for today, for it may be your last
Learn how to forgive, we all have our pasts
For this self inflicted disease that you call a habit,
Has taken us to hell, because you just had to have it
We all have our skeletons, we all have our faults
But this disease has our dreams, bringing them to a halt

For you have sold your soul to the devil, and he will choose the time
Unless you change your perilous ways of life and crime
I would pray to the lord above, and ask for one last time
To help you to defeat those demons that run through your veins
Before they beckon your soul, for it would be a mortal shame
You are stronger than you think; and I will never know your pain

The one and only true love, this man I chose to marry,
To stand by as your wife, the weight that I must carry
The love I have for you, will always give me courage
To help you get through these darkest of days
And I will pray to God, those demons won’t take you away
For I will help see you through until the end of this horrible voyage
To find the self-esteem you’ve lost, and to help find the courage

For I am the only one who really knows you, the only one who cares
Don’t let those demons take your soul, make sure to win the fight
We are together forever, and forever I am your wife
You are my knight in shining armor, and forever you just might
To fight and conquer these demons, the ones that hold your soul
This battle that you have to fight, will be a battle for your life

I know I said it before; I want it to be forever
To spend the rest of my life, forever as your wife
For you my one true love, you are the one for me
Who can save us from this painful, hellish life.

I miss your smile, the glimmer in your eyes, your gentle touch
The way you kiss and caress me and the way you hold me tight
You have a special way with loving me, it truly means so much
For these are the precious moments that I think of every night
The only thing to do is to wait, until you do your time
For your love for the dragon has brought you to a life of crime
Only then we will be together forever till the end of time.

 

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Date: 21 May 2005
i don't really know where to start. i'm not the one who uses it's my boyfriend and all my friends. when i started dating my boyfriend everything was good we had a great relationship and we were happy, then he started doing herion. he started to change we fought all the time. then i found out that all of my friends were also using i started to feel like i wasn't part of the group anymore. i never used, so i couldn't truly understand what they were all going through. my boyfriend starting putting me in danger by taking me to go get it and i never knew what was going on. i was blind to it. then he got arrested and went to rehab. i stood by his side the whole time. i've been through rehab after rehab with him. he finally decided that he needed to get clean or he was going to die. he moved 1500 miles away to get help. i haven't seen or spoke to him in almost a year now. i know that everything that i have been through will only make me a stronger person. i give alot of credit to those parents who go through this with their children.
 

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Date: 11 Aug 2005


HI, I JUST LOSTED MY BESTFRIEND LASTS WEEK TO A HERION
OVERDOSE I BEEN FRIENDS WITH HER FOR 11 YEARS WITH MANY OTHER FRIENDS AND 15 OUT OF THE 20 FRIENDS THAT I GROW UP WITH ARE ADDICTED TO HERION AND THATS JUST THE FEMALE ONES AND 10 OF 15 ARE MOMS MY BEST FRIEND WHO DIED IS A MOMMY TO A 3 YEAR OLD BABY GIRL.EVERYDAY I SIT HERE WHO IS NEXTS I PRAY EVERYDAY I ASK THEM PLEASE GET HELP BUT THATS ALL I CAN DO . BECAUSE IF YOU SAY TO MUCH THEY WILL RUNAWAY FROM YOU ALL YOU CAN REALLY DO IS TELL THEM THAT YOUR HERE FOR THEM AND THAT YOUR NOT GOING ANY ANYWERE I,M WRITING THIS TO TELL YOU ALL JUST HANG IN THERE AND HOPE FOR THE BEST AND PRAY EVERYDAY . BECAUSE I I,M.
 

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Date: 10 Aug 2005

I am a twenty year old from Springfield, Illinois and my mother just passed away from a herion overdose on July 8th. I don't have no one to talk to and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions

 

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Date: 11 Sep 2005

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years.  He has always been such a good person and some of the best times of my life have been with him.  Now, I have never done any drugs in my life.  I found out he was doing herion about 8 months ago.  He was bad on it and would shoot it in his arms several times a day.  Now, I never saw him do this and I have never seen the drug  before.  Shortly after I found out about him doing it, he went to jail because he started stealing things (which was not like him at all).  He spent a few months in there and realized how much he would be clean.  He even promised me.  When he got out, he was really good for a while, he was always with me.  After a while, he started hanging around the same crowd again and I started realizing odd behavior.  I found a cap to one of his needles.  I confronted him and he confessed.  He tried to quit for a few days, and he got very sick.  I stood by him and tried to care for him.  I would rather see him sick because he is actually getting well. He started doing it again and he has went to rehab.  I really pray that this is going to help him, because he really wants to quit.  But something about this drug is very powerful.  He is such a sweet and loving person.  This just breaks my heart.  He is my first love.  We would be lost without each other.  But I do want to tell people that for a while, it can be difficult to detect whether or not someone is doing heroin.  I did not notice for months, and this is the man who I sleep next to every night.  And they are full of so much guilt and shame that some people may never admit that they do it.  He now talks to me a lot more openly about it.  I would just like to ask that everyone please pray for him, and pray for all the other people that are so helplessly addicted this drug. 
 

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Date: 10 Oct 2005

I lost a very important person because of this drug... first let me start off by saying im 21yr. i live in mchenry, and almost about everyone i know is using.. ive wrote in here before about my boyfriend and my brother, well my boyfriend is now the father of my child and my brother is prolly on the brink of losing his life to this. on feb.21 i lost my cousin todd, he was only 25yrs.old, now some will say it wasnt the drug that killed him it was because he had a blood infection.. but stop and think about why did he have the blood infection? he fell into a coma and never came out of it, and yes he was a user just like my brother and my boyfriend.. when todd died i felt like this would really wake my brother up cause they were soo close to each other, some say they were brothers. well my boyfriend ended up doing a yr. in prison and he just got out on 7-5-05.. i also got involved with someone else and it turned out that ya he was a user but you would never think he used.. i mean he wasnt your typical "prep" he had a wild side to him, but he was so fun, and loving. i just didnt get it.. but back to what i was saying.. when my boyfriend got out of prison you know they tell you the same old crap, jail talk.. i promise im not gonna use, and i found the lord, and i want to be a man and a father to my son.. but that lasted for about a month.. lets see its 10-10-05 and i havent heard anything about the bible, hes back hanging out with the old mchenry crowd and ya im still here.. i live with him, again.. all i want is for him to confess to me about it, and it will be soo much easier for me to walk away.. i know i have to think whats best for my son and i am, its just i have a hard time turning my back on people.. its like if i stay here ill have to deal with him. if i go home ill have to deal with my brother im just so lost and confused! if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.. and for anyone that lives in mchenry and you know who i am and what im talking about please open your eyes and look at what is going on,
R.I.P... Jeffery H.,Ricky G., Sean M.,and Todd D.,
we dont want to loose anymore!
 

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Date: 11 Oct 2005
hi my name is rosy
 and i was a heroin attack
for about 4 years...my brothers were the first one's who introduce me to this drug.. i never knew what this drug would do to you, until i couldn't get off of it... it seemed every time i would try to get off i would just fall back to the same happits agian and the pians you get when you would try to get off of it..they hurt so bad. no one realy understands how bad they are until you go through them...i hate when people try to tell you its so easy to clean yourself because it's not. it takes a lot of hard ake and emotional stress to get yourself through it...now im clean i been clean for about 4 years now... but one of my brothers is still on it... and it's so hard to get him off.. he has a baby but the drug takes control of him and what worked for me is not working for him and i fear for his life i already lost two of my friends to this drug one of a overdose and the other committed sueside...even thou your not going through the pain yourself it feels like you are seeing your love ones go through it...but to all those people who has love one keep your faith that one day they'll change i did and i haven't lost hope in my brother....
 

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Date: 11 Nov 2005

I had a friend who was 23 years old.  He was doing it once in a while, while he was on vacation he o.d.  This is a very dangerous drug, a killer.  If you have a friend or family member who is doing it, do not be afraid to say something, it may keep the alive
 

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Date: 12 Nov 2005

MY NAME IS ROSY I AM 26 AND MY SISTER ALMOST MOTHER I LOVE HER TO DEATH ...IS A HEROINE ADDICT
   THIS IS HOW THW STORY STARTS MY SISTER WENT THRU A DIVORCE ABOUT 1 1/2 YEARS AGO HER HUSBAND IS A COP AND A VERY CORRECT MAN THEY HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT IS USE TO HAVING IT ALL THEY WERE VERY WELL MONEY IN FACT MY WHOLE FAMILY AND I ARE VERY WELL OFF AND WE ALL COME FROM A PROFESSIONAL BACKROUND .WELL SHE MOVED DOWN HERE TO DALLAS AND GOT A REALLY GOOD JOB IN A LINEN COMPANY .THEIR SHE MET THIS STUPID GUY HIS NAME IS JUAN SHE FELL IN LOVE LITTLE DID WE KNOW THAT HE WAS JUST SOME KIND OF EMPLYEE SHE WAS THE TOP KNOTCH IN THIS COMP ,AFTER A FEW MONTHS WE ALL STARTED NOTICING CHANGES IN HER SHE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT IT WASNT FUNNY THEN SHE STARTED BEING AWAY FROM US AND SHE WAS ALWAYS ASLEEP OR SICK SHE SAID BUT .ONE OF MY OTHER SISTERS KEPT TELLING US SHE WAS USING DRUGS WE NEVER BELIVED HER SHE ,SURE ENOUGH LAST YEAR ON OUR WAY TO EL PASO TEXAS (MY MOTHER HAD A HEART ATTACK ),WE ALL GOT THEIR AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE BUT WE STARTED NOTICING SHE WAS REALLY SICK SHE WAS CRYING AND CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR SHE TOLD ONE OF MY OTHER SISTERS THAT IS A SCHOOL COULSELOR IN ORDER FOR HER TO STOP ACKING THEY HAD TO GET HER SOME HELP QUICK .WE WENT BACK TO DALLAS AND SHE HAD TOLD US THAT SHE WAS GOING TO GET HELP BUT SHE DIDNT SHE DIDNT SPEND THANKSGIVING WITH US BECAUSE SHE WAS SO OUT OF IT AND SHE DIDNT SPEND CHRISMAS WITH US EITHER .AS TIME PASSED WE GIOT HER TO AGREE TO GO TO REHAB SO WE TAKE HER TO A REALLY NICE PLACE STATE OF THE ART WE SPEND THOUSANDS OF MONEY IN ALL OF US TOGETHER ........BUT SHE ONLY STAYED THEIR ONE WEEK AND WHILE SHE WAS IN THEIR HER STUPID BOYFRIEND KEPT GOING TO SEE HER AND OF COURSE GIVING IT TO HER .AFTER SHE GOT OUT SHE GAINED ALOT OF WEIGHT AND NOW SHE SMOKES AND SHE DOESNT HAVE A JOB BECAUSE SHE WONT TAKE A DRUG TEST SHE DOESNT HAVE WATER IN HER HOUSE BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT PAID FOR IT AND WE SUSPECT SHE IS DOING IT AGAIN *** 
 

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Date:        10 Dec 2005

charlotte 31 from not knowing anything, at all not even about any help you can get if you got the money!!! typical of this world, ive been tryiny to understand the drug for 4years. its evil the devils tonic, the apple we souldnt eat, once its got a hold you mite aswell say goodbye to the life you had as it will destroy anything in its path like fire, easy for me to say as i have never ever tried it and wouldnt wont to, but then i wouldnt want to start a war either and there not much difference. the most wonderfull man in my world who i would be honered for him to be my man has been clean well over a month yippy xx and getting help to make it forever this time as its been a long up hill jouerney i dont ever want to retake, worst than climbing everest not many people or partnership make it back, or thou it, as it tests every thing and part about us also stuff & people around you, abit like a plague only the strong will servive, i thank god, my destiny & life that we can see the sun,sea,sunsets,stars& moon,also i hope and pray we see many many more together. hes friend died one in prison & another poorly,I cant belive its from poppies they are supose to be the flower of rememberance sunday as its only the habit that gets peace & rememberance to the people who take it they never get peace,i dont know why the armies bother with all the weapons as the plant made one for them the best weapon for desroying the humun race give them a high that they think is great and they kill thereself thinking they on a high, for what it does and turns people into there are more & more downs hard to find any good side to anything, to see someone you love so very much detereate infront of your own eyes is hard and to try tell them you love them when all they do is push you away and think or make up bad stuff to make the stuff justfiable to them, as for the people it leaves behind, in its path of death & destucion, the devil dont need to do any work when the dragons doing his work for him, i wish i could become a dragon slager and defea

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Date: 17 Dec 2005

ive been dating my gf for only 3 months and she told me she did heroin with some people.  so i made up a story about my ex gf promising me shed quit and she died a week later trying to scare her n shit and stuff like that..  from what i understand people that do it have dry skin and itch a lot?  when she did it there were blood stains on her sheets from getting nose bleeds when she slept and her legs looked really bad.  it looked like she was cutting her ankles but it was just her scratching them so much..  she told me she stopped about 2-3 weeks ago but the marks are still there, does that mean shes still doing it?
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Date: 18 Dec 2005

i am currently going through withdrawl now and it is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. i wasnt doing heroin for a long time but my boyfriend has been sniffing for years. you see i always liked him and he never liked me back. i moved on got married and then there he was...telling me he loved me and all this stuff. we used to be friends and would sniff dope together, but we split apart and i wasnt addicted at all. that time! we we caught up he said he was straight and going to meetings. some how some way that didnt last and he and i started up. he ended going to jail for 4 months and got clean. and yet again i got off no problem. then his mother died and after 6 weeks of being clean he messed up. towards the summer i finakly hooked and now i hacve no husband, no friends, and barely any dignity. plus no money. so i left him, told my mom and husband and am getting help
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